Funny Bleach Episode 11
by RukiaLady94
Summary: Never trust Yammamoto. Cause in the end, you will always end up kicking his ass for something he promised you he would not do. haha


Funny Bleach Episode 11: The Vacation

Yammamoto: Attencion Soul Reapers. Guess what.

Gin: Ooh. I love guessing games. I want to play (Waves hand)

Uryu: I despize guessing games more than Yaoi.

Rukia: So what`s this meeting for again?

Yammamoto: Glad you asked. Since you`ve all been working so well I decided to arrange a little vacation for some of you hard working reapers.

Renji: Cool. Where to?

Yammamoto: That`s for me to know and you to find out. Haha.

Yoruichi: Not funny. You see us laughing here? No. So there really is no reason why you should laugh.

Gin: Tehee. As we English men say: She got you good.

Ichigo: What are you smiling about?

Rangiku: What are you talking about, he`s always smiling.

Yammamoto: True. Anyways, you`ll be going to a private island.

Renji: Wow. An entire island all to ourselves.

Renji and Ichigo: Sweeet.

Rukia: Let me get my suntan lotion.

Yoruichi: Let me get my bikini.

Rangiku: Let me get my camera.

Gin: I need my cream to rub Ichigo`s hot body with it later. (Smiles)

Ichigo: Say what?

Yammamoto: Hello? I`m still talking here. Who gave you all permission to just walk away while I`m speaking?

Rukia: This reminds me of kindergarten.

Rangiku: Yeah, me too.

Renji: So what else?

Yammamoto: Hm...oh right. It`s only for one day. Hehe.

Rukia: WAAAH? That`s all we get for working our butts all year long?

Rangiku: You asshole!

Yoruichi: I outta scratch your eyes out!

Ichigo: You are a cruel old man.

Yammamoto: Thanks. I get that a lot and I really appreciate hearing that from you guys. (Smiles)

Gin: This stinks. I outta smack him silly.

Ichigo: I outta punch him in his mouth and make all his teeth fall out.

Gin: Oh, you`re so strong, aren`t ya. I like that in a man. (Winks at him)

Ichigo: No no I`m not strong...I`m weak...soooo weak. Yeah.

Uryu: This sucks. A one day vacation..so sad.

Gin: I think I`m going to cry.

Ichigo: You are such a girl, man. Seriously, what the hell?

Renji: Last thing he needs to say right now is that his favourite magazine is Yaoi. Hehe.

Gin: Oh you doll. It IS my favourite. I outta kiss you.

Renji: Please don`t. (Backs away)

Yoruichi: Another Yaoi fan. Sweet.

Yammamoto: Silence! I`m not done.

Rangiku: Who cares! I hate it when you do that. It makes me feel like a child.

Yammamoto: You ARE a child.

Rangiku: I am? Oh yay!

Rukia: Come on. Continue so I can get ready for this crappy vacation.

Uryu: This will never end will it. (Reads a book)

Byakuya: It never does and never will.

Ichigo: Why are you reading, Uryu? We are in the middle of a meeting here. Where`s your respect, man?

Gin: Let the man read his book. He`s not hurting anybody.

Yoruichi: Enough already. I got one word for you all. Letitgo.

Ichigo: That`s three words.

Yoruichi: No it`s not. Come on say it with me, letitgo.

Yammamoto: ANYWAYS it`s gonna be tomorrow.

Rangiku: This is sooo boring. I thought a vacation would last longer. We deserve a whole year of vacation, `cause we`ve been working our asses off!

Rukia: She`s right. That`s weird. I don`t think I`ve ever said that before. But she is.

Yammamoto: I hate it when Rangiku is right. And I think I always will. That will never change...

Yoruichi: So? How many days are we gonna get?

Yammamoto: Whenever you guys feel like coming .

Rangiku: (Jumps up and down) Yahoo. Now that`s what I`m talking about, baby! (Dances)

Renji: (Checks her out) Daaamn. Sexy dance.

Yoruichi: (Scratches him) Perv.

Renji: OUW!

Rukia: (Looks at Renji) You`re such a girl, Renji. Seriously. Back on the vacation topic. I don`t know if we should get excited cause Yammy could be up to something. He wouldn`t just let us go that easily.

Yoruichi: We gotta keep an eye on him. He could be planning something behind our backs.

Renji: Alright listen up old man, if this is a trap I can assure you, you will be sorry.

Yama: But it`s no trap and I can assure you, I`m already sorry. Just go tomorrow and have some fun. Besides why would I be planning something to keep you guys here? I can finally relax and get some peace and quiet around here for once. It`s an old man`s dream come true.

Byakuya: Hm...I think you got a point there. Let`s go everyone.

[The next day]

[Everyone is ready to go*

Yama: Alright everybody. Enjoy your vacation. Just follow these directions and you`ll be there in no time.

Rangiku: I don`t trust you, but okay. Um...how do we get there?

Rukia: Hey good question. How DO we get there?

Yammamoto: On a bus. Hehe. Oh there it is.

Yoruichi: We`re going on a bus? You are such a cheap bastard, you know that?

Renji: Wait, hold on here. I thought we were going to an island.

Yammamoto: I lied.

Renji: You lied? (Starts to cry but doesn`t want to show it) Have you no heart?

Byakuya: (Rubs Renji`s head) There there.

Renji: OUCH, you`re hurting me!

Byakuya: I never really liked you ever since you started talking to Rukia.

Gin: Alright, I`m ready to go. Beach here I come.

Renji: My god, man. What are you wearing?

Uryu: Gin is one creepy dude.

Ichigo: Wow Gin. You really know how to dress for a beach.

Gin: Thank you. I brought some lotion. Maybe later I can rub your smokin` hot body with it. (Smiles)

Byakuya: Um...can we go now? Please?

Yammamoto: Go on. Get outta here. Oh and call me when you`re coming back.

Rangiku: Yeah right. Why would we want to do that. Hasta la vista baby. (Waves)

[Everyone gets on the bus]

Gin: (Runs on the bus and quickly sits next to Ichigo) Hey handsome. I can`t wait to see you shirtless so I can cover up your hot body in cream.

Ichigo: (Jumps up) Cream? I thought you brought lotion!

Gin: I did. And ice cream. Guess what kind.

Renji: Oh dear god. This could get uncomfortable. But it already did. (Listens to mp3) Much better.

Uryu: (Starts reading a book...again) Interessting...

*Gin* Fine, i`ll tell you.

Ichigo: No, please. Please have mercy! (Looks up) God if this is my punishment for being such a perverted bastard, then I learned my lesson. Please stop torturing me!

Gin: It`s chocolate. (grins)

Ichigo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gin: (Gigles) Tehee. With cherry too.

Ichigo: Somebody beat me to death with a stick, please! Rukia, you still have your stick?

Rukia: Why would I have it? (Reads Yaoi) Life is wonderful. So don`t need it.

Ichigo: But I do!

Rukia: Since when do I care about you or your feelings? (Keeps reading)

Rangiku: (Starts to sing) Everyday is so wonderful.

Yoruichi: (is sitting next to Byakuya in the bus) So...you`re awfully quiet. What`s the matter, cat got your tounge? (smiles)

Byakuya: Ha...ha. Isn`t it time for you to start coughing up furballs?

Yoruichi: Nice comeback hot shot. But you gotta do better than that.

Byakuya: Since we`re making jokes about eatchother I might get a little intense for you.

Yoruichi: Bring it on, crazy hair dude.

Byakuya: Crazy hair dude? Now it is on!

Yoruichi: It`s true. You`re just mad `cause my hair is soo much prettier than yours.

Byakuya: Oh please. You`re angry `cause of the cats that wanted to fuck you the other day.

Yoruichi: Oh you`re just mad because no one wants to fuck YOU.

Byakuya: This has gone far enough, Miss Hello Kitty!

Yoruichi: Well at least I`m way sexier than you.

Byakuya: Alright time to bring the hammer down.

Yoruichi: You don`t have one. Unless it`s your balls you`re talking about.

Byakuya: At least my mom is better than yours.

Yoruichi: Excuse me?

Byakuya: Yeah, that`s right. Your mom is soo stupid she sold her car for gas money.

Yoruichi: Haha. Your mom is soo ugly she made an onion cry.

Rukia: WOOOW. Chill! We are on a vacation here. No fighting!

Rangiku: Yeah! So kiss and make up already. Or whatever.

Byakuya: Yeah. I`m sorry Yoruichi..but I`m not kissing you *Hugs her*

Yoruichi: Same here (Smacks him and then hugs him) Even until now we always give eachother a hard time. (laughs)

Byakuya: Mhm.

[Bus stops]

Rangiku* We`re here! WOOOOOOOO. (Dances again)

Renji: (Takes a picture) Hehe. This is soooo gonna be my new screensaver. Awesomeness.

Ichigo: Thank you Lord! (Runs out of the bus and kisses the sand) Bleh! Sand! (Coughs)

Yoruichi: Wow. Now this is what I call a beach. Sweeet. (Turns in cat form and jumps in and then turns in her human form) Aaaagh. Sooo relaxing.

Renji: (Dives in) Amazing...um Yoruichi...are you naked?

Yoruichi: Yeah. It`s soo relaxing without your clothes on.

Renji: Oh goody. I should try that. (Smiles)

Rangiku: (Comes back wearing her bikini and dives in) Woohoo.

Renji: This is soo great. I think I`ll stay here forever.

Rukia: (does a cannonball on Renji in the water) Haha!

Renji: You crazy girl. (laughs)

Gin: (Is sitting on the couch) Hm...I wonder where Ichigo is..

Ichigo: I`m right here.

Gin: Oh good. Now take off your shirt so I can enjoy watching you shirtless (Puts on his sunglasses)

Ichigo: This sucks. (Takes off his shirt and a music starts playing in the background: I`m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt soo sexy it hurts)

Gin: (Takes off his sunglasses) OMFG? Pure hottness right in front of me! (Drools)

Yoruichi: Wow Ichigo. You got an admirer over there. (Winks at him)

Ichigo: He`s not!

Renji: Sure we`ll believe you. Haha.

Uryu: (Is reading his book) Stop torturing the guy.

Ichigo: Thank you!

Uryu: Even if that IS true.

Ichigo: Stop it!

Uryu: I just can`t help it. (Laughs) I try not to but it`s too much fun. (Continues reading)

Byakuya: Uryu what is that book you`re reading?

Uryu: A Yuri book. So hot, man.

Byakuya: I should`ve known no one here reads books for nothing.

Uryu: Yup. Yaoi, Yuri and Hentai are the books that really get poeple`s attencion nowadays. Let`s face it, everyone reads books as long as it`s about those three.

Byakuya: Gee, thanks for the tip. I`ll never read a single book again.

Uryu: Oh come on. God didn`t give us eyes for seeing but for also reading. Think about it.

Byakuya: Yeah. Just like god didn`t give us a mouth for eating but for also talking.

Uryu: Another good exaple.

Byakuya: Yeah, like talking bullshit.

Uryu: Ah, bullshit that makes sense though. Same as God didn`t give us ears for hearing and listening, but for also eavesdropping.

Byakuya: Uryu that`s...oh nevermind. Anyways let`s just drop the subject.

Uryu: Fine with me (Continues reading)

Byakuya: So...why do you read it?

Uryu: I thought you said to drop the subject.

Byakuya: Just anwser the goddamn question.

Uryu: I don`t know..maybe because there`s so much pleassure and sex and other great bullshit in it.

Byakuya: Okay? Is that all?

Uryu: No, it`s also good.

Byakuya: Okay well have fun reading it for the rest of your life.

Uryu: Thank you, I will. (Keeps reading)

[Later that night]

Rukia: This is the best vacation ever!

Rangiku: Yeah, and it`s just day one.

Yoruichi: Yup. This is Paradise, people. Believe it.

Gin: I especially had a great time watching Ichigo play in the sand and being naughty in the water.

Ichigo: I was not being naughty, you smiling bastard!

Uryu: Sure, whatever floats your boat. We all saw you.

Ichigo: I`m gonna kick your ass.

Byakuya: Easy there poeple. But seriously Ichigo, you gotta stop being naughty in the water.

Rukia: (Cellphone starts ringing) Hm? Who the fuck could be calling me right now? (Anwsers the phone) Who the fuck is this?...Oh it`s you Captain Yammamoto. Haha. We had a blast today.

Yammamoto: (Talking to Rukia on his cellphone) I`m glad your vacation turned out great. I can`t wait to see you all back here.

Rukia: Hang on, what do you mean turned out? Our vacation ain`t over yet.

Yammamoto: Yes, it is. I missed you guys too much and plus, did you really think I`d let you guys stay there for as long as you wanted? How stupid do you think I am?

Rukia: Kinda...and a lot?

Yammamoto: No way. (Laughs) Well what are you waiting for? Get your behinds on that cheap bus and get over here.

Rukia: You dickface! (Hangs up)

Yoruichi* What`s up?

Rukia: That old trash bag lied to us! He wants us to get back there rght now.

Rangiku: I`m gonna kill that son of a bitch!

Byakuya: Let`s hold him down and I`ll him with a mallet.

Yoruichi: And while you`re doing that, I`ll scratch his eyes out.

Ichigo: Let`s go kick some ass!

Byakuya: I still say we hold him down and I`ll him with a mallet.

Rukia: You said it brother. WHOOOT!

And you can imagine what happened next.

The End 


End file.
